Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
