i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
