Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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