So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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