My nipple is on Facebook.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
