my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
There's even glitter on my cock...
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