MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
