Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
