we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
