I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
