just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Bring me that man meat
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
