And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
