Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
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By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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