he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
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We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
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You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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