I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
