I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
babies were throwing up all over the place
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well I just put wine in my tea
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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