There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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