he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
