How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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