She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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