just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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