in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
