Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
