I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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