I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
