Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
