oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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