Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
