she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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