as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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