You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
