i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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