and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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