Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
