dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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