mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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