it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
