my phone needs a breathalizer
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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