I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
