you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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