why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
