i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
