Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
