I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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