My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
