i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
