You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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