Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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