remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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