morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
