i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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