This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
