I'm going to jail i love you
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
