Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
