I have demons in me.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
