Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
