3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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