You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
