i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
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I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
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I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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